“The unattainable is always blue,” states the epigraph by Clarice Lispector at the beginning of the book. BlueThis is the work of ophthalmologist Mônica Alves, a professor at the Faculty of Medical Sciences (FCM). For a long time, writing occupied a silent space in the doctor's life. There was no literary project, editorial ambition, or publication plans. What existed were notebooks full of notes, phrases that emerged in the early hours of the morning, and thoughts recorded between appointments. These short texts, written as if trying to organize what one feels, have transformed into her debut book, launched earlier this year.
What was kept in an intimate space has gained a new place. “I wrote a lot for myself. I never imagined it could become a book,” says Alves. It was in a context of reconstruction, when she was forced to completely reorganize her routine, that her writing ceased to be just a silent habit. “I’ve always loved reading, and I think that whoever reads, in some way, ends up writing. My whole life has been on that side, as a reader,” she emphasizes. “Now it’s strange, and beautiful, to realize that people can enter this very intimate place that is my writing.”
During the pandemic, while writing part of the texts, the doctor was facing the end of her marriage and, simultaneously, two crucial competitions at Unicamp. The first, for a professorship, had been in preparation for years. The second appeared unexpectedly after the death of a professor in the department, opening a teaching position that had been awaited for almost a decade. "I was emotionally devastated," she recalls. "And, at the same time, I needed to write my thesis, prepare for exams, and organize my entire professional life."
It was precisely in this context of instability that writing gained even more space. Alongside her academic career, the ophthalmologist began attending creative writing workshops organized during the pandemic by a group of friends, initially gathered around women's meetings that combined cooking, reading, meditation, and conversation. The virtual meetings opened up space for literary exercises and new experiments with language. "I learned to write beyond just what I felt," she says. "To mix stories, create characters, transform feelings into something else."
Although deeply personal, Blue It incorporates this experience: some of the texts were born directly from intimacy, but others emerged from creative writing exercises. "There's a lot of me in it, but there's also invention, mixing, and displacement."
At the same time, she began digitizing the numerous texts scattered across notebooks. Gradually, she realized she had built up an extensive archive. The material was sent to close friends, including bookseller Adriana Haddad, from the Candeeiro bookstore in Campinas, and psychoanalyst and visual artist Gabriela Sampaio Monteiro, who saw a book in it. In a collective, affectionate, and handcrafted process, the project took shape, with illustrations by Monteiro and the arrival of writer and poet Diego Pansani, from Lume Teatro, who joined the project to assist with the organization and editing of the texts. The layout and graphic design are by Henrique Pasti.
The author defines Blue like a collection of "fragments." "Some texts approach poetry, others resemble short narratives or confessional notes," she states. The book is organized into three parts – Cobalt, Celeste, and Turquoise – as emotional variations of the same blue. The color that gives the book its name comes from an old memory. In her adolescence, the author watched the film Freedom is Blue (1993), the first feature film in the Three Colors Trilogy by Polish filmmaker Krzysztof Kieślowski. “I became obsessed with the film. I watched it several times, listened to the soundtrack, memorized lines,” she recalls.
Decades later, she felt the urge to revisit the film. "It was completely different so many years later," she says. "Now, I was watching it as a mature woman, who had also gone through losses and changes, just like the film's protagonist, played by actress Juliette Binoche."
As Alves began organizing the texts, he realized that the color blue was already appearing spontaneously in everything: in the images evoked by the writing, in the illustrations, in the melancholic and delicate atmosphere of the fragments, and even in the original file sent to the editor, typed in blue letters.
During the final reading of the book, done aloud alongside the editor, two texts took on unexpected meanings. One of them revealed itself to be an unintentional tribute to her grandmother. The other came to carry the memory of an inseparable friend from her medical school days in Juiz de Fora, who died after battling a brain tumor. "I finished reading and immediately understood that that text was for her," she says.
Born in Frutal, in the Triângulo Mineiro region of Minas Gerais, Alves left her hometown as a teenager to study medicine at the Federal University of Juiz de Fora. Later, she completed her medical residency in ophthalmology, postgraduate studies at Unicamp, and ultimately built her entire academic career at the institution. Today, she works as a professor at FCM, a researcher, and a specialist in ocular surface diseases, especially dry eye – a condition she has been studying for about 25 years. She coordinates research, mentors students, and maintains a private practice in Campinas.
In this daily life marked by the technical demands of medicine, literature ended up emerging as a kind of counterpoint. "Medicine demands a very harsh objectivity," he says. "Writing reconnects me with other sensibilities."
Produced independently, Blue It can be found at the Candeeiro bookstore. https://www.livrariacandeeiro.com.br/, known for its literary gatherings and intimate atmosphere. At the launch in February, the book signing also turned into the author's birthday party. "There was cake, wine, friends, readers. It was very beautiful," she recalls.
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